Dear 2012: Hindsight is 20/20

Dear 2012, 

I decided to leave it in your hands. Little did I know our start together would be you kicking me off of a cliff. The bumps along the way were, needless to say, not fun but albeit necessary (hindsight is always 20/20). Eventually wounds healed and you eased up on the breaks. Going through torn moments, times of frustration and anxiety I will say this year I have felt more support from my family and friends than ever. You have given me great memories. I have learned to treasure moments spent with family and friends, and that you never know what life has in store for any one of us. Never take loved ones for granted, and having conversations with family and close friends about life and love is irreplaceable. Just because you want something doesn't mean you will get it, just because you have a plan doesn't mean it will happen the way you envisioned.

Dear 2013, 

I am taking all the positive aspects of 2012 with me. I have never been a big fan of celebrating the New Year but I will admit I cannot wait for the new adventure that awaits!! Let's do this...

Yours truly,

Elyse

10 things, 9 tips, 8 ways, 7 signs...

How many of you read those lists in magazines that tell you "great" ways on 'how to lose weight', or 'is she really your best friend?', how about 'you're boyfriend is cheating when...?'. These "helpful tips" reach into our emotions and our psyche and play out what is currently in our life or what we hope to obtain. I have never been a fan of these lists even when I was a teen. I never believed that the human race could be so generalized.

Lately I am starting to realize maybe we are? How can we be individually unique but also be a general population? What works for one may not for another.

Recently one of my very good friends said to me, "You sound like every other woman!". Boy did that hit me hard! There is nothing I dislike more than being  compared to others. I take pride in my uniqueness and all that it consists of. I couldn't help but think, "Is she right?". Having a small group of close girlfriends they are each different in their own way. Yes there are common interests but for the most part they each have their own style, their own opinion, their own perspective on life. I don't believe I have ever utilized my friendships the way I have done this year. I rarely ever used my friends or family as an outlet for venting. I've learned it is okay to feel and to vent the stress and anxiety that I carry. In speaking to the beautiful and strong woman around me I realized their words of wisdom have been EXACTLY what I have needed to hear! 

Today I came across a bunch of these lists and I read them! Surprisingly, I related to some of the advice given and as I expected, other things could not have been further from the truth. It's validating when a friend or someone we know can understand how we feel and where we are coming from. Even more so when there are other people out there experiencing the same thing as you! (If not something similar.) 

It's nice to know I am not alone. And neither are you!

Patience is a Virtue

"How long did it take me to get to where I am?" The question was rhetorical. To say my father is a smart man is an understatement. To say that he is a hard worker is an even bigger understatement. Repressed frustrations regarding my unemployment have resurfaced. I know I have worked hard. Like the rest of the world, especially my generation, I am waiting for the pay out. Discussing this with my family my father did a parenting tactic that I have grown to be familiar with. Asking me something knowing very well I not only know the answer but I understand where he is coming from and where he is going with the conversation. Meaning: In due time things will fall into place. It reminded me that 'patience is a virtue'. Do you know what is not a virtue? Wrath! To be in an uncontrollable situation evokes anger, frustration, and impatience. It's as though the further I go the more weary my strength becomes, the easier it becomes to feel anguish. I guess that is the point isn't it? Life isn't easy. To remain patient is not a simple feat. And though the anger and frustration is normal, it will pass...eventually.

Patience: the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties.

To Be Human

There are people that find studying the human mind fascinating. Why do some people feel things differently, why do we think differently? What makes our emotions rise, what makes us sad, and why? The type of person you are plays a big part in your life and where life leads you. Therapists and counselors among other people have the 'skill' of empathy. In graduate programs it is spoken about as a skill. I see it differently. Empathy is apart of who you are. Not everyone can be empathetic towards others. It can be difficult and even mentally and emotionally draining but hear me when I say empathy helps make the world go round. People who feel for other people and want to help them. People who try to understand what others are going through and reach out to them. Lately, I have seen and heard people who are greedy and selfish. We can all indulge in life's beauty and blessings every now and again but to have such arrogance is disheartening. What happened to humanity? Is it strictly survival of the fittest, every man for themselves? What happened to feeling for the next person and being there for our neighbors? Have people become so condescending to not reach a hand out to someone who has fallen? Have they for some reason become so bitter and jaded to knowingly turn their back on their own kind? 

Life is not an easy road. We all have a beating heart and a soul, lets not forget our humanity...

Life Just Happens

There is nothing more exciting than when you are given the opportunity of a LIFETIME!! A year ago I blogged about being chosen to be apart of Wyclef Jean's 'Historia' music video. Well most recently I was contacted to model in a fashion show for Fashion Week!! As I read the message I was in awe. I must have read it 5 times to be sure it wasn't my imagination! Needless to say it was the experience of a lifetime and I still cannot believe I am able to say, "Yes, I modeled in a fashion show for NYC Fashion Week 2012!" 

For whom did I model for may you ask? Elkri Swimwear! An up and coming swimwear line by two amazing designers. The swimsuits are beautiful and very fashion forward. I find it difficult to find swimsuits that I feel comfortable in and feed my inner fashionista. Well I need not look any further! I am all about Elkri!  

www.elkri.com

Let Go...Now!

By Sept. 1st I was going to have a job. Putting positivity out into the universe was bound to come back around, right? This was my thinking as graduation approached. I couldn't wait to get back to working full time! Preferably as a counselor. The stress was starting to take a toll as summer set in. The yearly family trip came at the perfect time. I needed to hit the reset button on all aspects of my life and visiting the motherland did exactly that!! Coming home was tough but it made me realize I needed to let go and be at peace. Let go of the last shred of control. I put my faith in the Big Guy, and gave my trust completely. I thought, "Life will happen the way it is suppose to. Patience is a virtue."

I was doing what I love which is teaching dance, zumba, and baking cakes. Most importantly I wasn't analyzing, controlling and planning all aspects of my life. Everything was good until a meltdown hit. As I realized the job deadline I gave myself was vastly approaching I began to feel foolish, like a failure. Being optimistic is not always easy. After a good pep talk from Team Torres I pulled myself together and averted my focus to all the things I am blessed to have. After that things have been looking up and I can genuinely say I am happy! Only good things to come =)

Class of 2012: Masters Degree! Don't you want '1 2?

I am officially done with my graduate program!! Receiving my Masters degree is something I have been working towards for 5 years. I have not had many big goals in my life but those that I have had, I have been fortunate and blessed enough to accomplish. Now I have this lingering question, ‘What next?’ I cannot remember the last time I had nothing really to work towards.

When I was a child I wanted to be a dancer and if I couldn’t be a dancer I still wanted to have the ability to dance. I couldn’t think about living without my passion. Well I teach dance and am a Zumba Instructor. I also take class when I can. CHECK!!

As I approached my middle school years my goal was to attend Spellman H.S. More so for the fact that they had a well-known and respected Drama Club. Not only was I accepted to my top high school but I enjoyed every moment dancing and acting on that stage. I still refer to those days as the best time of my life. CHECK!!

Graduating high school I didn’t want to go to college but did not have a choice (thanks dad and mom). During college I always had this feeling of wanting to do more with my life. It was as though being ‘average’ was just not enough. I remained in dance and I was involved on campus but I wanted more! Well after growing up during these years I realized where I would get my “more” from and that was to become a counselor and help others.

As my mom liked to say to me, “You put all your eggs in one basket!” Yes mom, I did. I applied to one graduate school and one graduate school only. I got in. And though I learned so much from being there I felt as though I needed to switch my path. Once again I applied to a graduate program and one graduate program only. I got in. And after 4 years of doubt, struggle, tears, stress, and anxiety I can finally say: “I Made It!”    

Masters Degree: CHECK!!!!

I have a type A personality. I live off of plans. I am approaching the new chapter in my life without one. Let’s see how this goes…

Acknowledgement: None of this could have been possible without Team Torres. I love you with all my heart. Thank you for all your support and love. I can never express how truly blessed I am to have you all in my life.

Quarter Century Crisis

Okay I have had enough!! This is for all the 20 somethings (and some 30 somethings) that are going through a weird time in their lives. 

Society Expectations: In your mid-late 20’s marry and start a family. The man should have a good paying job so that the woman may stay home to care for the children. Okay, you have your spouse, children, a nice house with a picket fence and red door=Happy Ending.

As children we are instilled with this belief that this is how our life must turn out. Disney movies show princesses marrying princes. They show chivalrous men who come in, swoop girls off their feet and live happily ever after. NEWSFLASH!! In every one of those movies there is struggle. But these obstacles are not taken away from the movie, only the happy ending is. Cinderella was mistreated, Sleeping Beauty was taken away from her family, Belle was held hostage, Rapunzel was locked in a tower hidden from society, Ariel and Jasmine were told what to do and how to live their life, and Snow White was ordered to be killed.  But that isn’t what is being taught in those movies is it? To overcome and fight through obstacles put in your path…Nope, you are taught to find a good man, fall in love, and live happily ever after.

Now…how many of you are happy with your life? Engaged? Married? Have children? (pets included lol). How many of you are happy with your careers? Do you have a career or a job? Is it what you saw yourself doing when you got older?

How many of you thought you’d have your career by now if you don’t already? How many of you thought you would be married by now? Have children already? Live in a beautiful house and have family barbeques?

If you are stressed with where your life has brought you then ladies and gents this is called a quarter century crisis. You thought your life would be different than what it is. But it’s okay! It’s okay not to know what you want out of life. And if you do know what you want then it’s okay that you do not have it right now. Your time will come. Anxiety and stress of your perfect world crashing down will shed away.  You don’t NEED to have certain things in place right now. Screw expectations! It’s your prerogative.

If my 5 year old, 14 year old, even 18 year old self got to see our life today she would NOT be happy. Knowing me I would tear myself a new one because 27 year old Elyse was suppose to have a different life. Yes, I would at least like to have a career but it is just not so. Hopefully someday soon that will fall into place, but as of now I have more than my younger selves could have imagined. 

For those of you that have achieved your dream(s) and are currently living happily ever after: Congratulations! Sending you more love and happiness.

Breathe. Pray. Love. Risk. Truth. Faith. Strength.

Do not be afraid to take the step into the unknown. Do not hold your breath as you take that leap.

Is it possible to want the simple things in life? Nothing more, nothing less.

Is it selfish to want it all? See the world’s beauty. Experience all the happiness life has to offer. 

____________________________________________________

Able to breathe. Guided by truth. Comforted by faith. Surrounded by love. Push to risk.  Taught to pray. Obstacles for strength.

Soak up the moments that brighten your soul.

Leave the past where it is. Be sure to get up every time you fall.

Feed your mind, body, & soul. 

CURVEBALL

It was as though something tugged at my heart and my mind didn’t know how to react. Anxiety came over me. It felt like my subconscious exploded and emotions from the past months rushed to my present state. Instances, mixed words, encounters all jumbled together and tore my heart and mind apart. At a crossroad I was forced to make a decision. To lead the life I knew, or in the words of Robert Frost, “Take the road less traveled”.  Well at the last moment I took the latter. The night the decision was made I wrote myself a note. It is to remind myself that I understand the decision made could be the biggest mistake of my life, and if the time comes when I feel that way there is nothing left to do but accept it and move on.

Here I am, a month later. Past couple of days I have been thinking of my decision. I think about how I would feel if I were on the other side of this; if I had made the other decision. Then I remember, I knew what I was getting into down this path. I knew it would lead to a future unknown.

And now…all that is left…is to LIVE.